Last time we saw Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) on True Blood, she was dying a slow death, having been shot by a presumed witch or witch follower in the showdown of the vampires versus the witches. Naturally, she was scooped up by her werewolf stalker, Alcide (Joe Manganiello), and her lovestruck ex-vampire-boyfriend, King Bill (Stephen Moyer). The man she’s actually pursuing, Sheriff Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), had been hypnotized by Marnie/Antonia (Fiona Shaw), and thus was unable to save the pretty damsel, much to her dismay and that of his fangirl audience.
Despite the ominous preview we saw last week in which Sookie won’t drink Bill’s blood and would probably die, she obviously lived, but her vampire-allegiance to Bill and Eric pissed off Alcide enough that he finally decides to pick Debbie (Brit Morgan) the psychopath over Sookie. Meanwhile, Bill is busy prepping for an upcoming “tolerance festival” for the vampires, alongside our favorite-named vampire, Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck).
Speaking of Nan, the scene where Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) attempts to have a girl-talk with Nan about Hoyt (Jim Parrack) was probably one of the best of the episode. The Sookie/Eric/Bill triangle is starting to get old, and the drama everyone is really concerned about is the breakup of Jessica and Hoyt. When Nan is finished dismissing Jessica’s pain, she’s back to ragging on Bill.
Meanwhile – while this whole epic vampire and witch war is going on, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) has been possessed by a now-deceased lady who wants to hold her baby for the last time. He/she therefore kidnaps Arlene’s baby and storms into Hoyt’s house, where he/she used to live. Cops Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and Andy (Chris Bauer) do their best to solve this mystery, but between Jason’s microscopic brain and Andy’s drug addiction, they don’t get very far.
It takes Lafayette’s boyfriend Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) to explain to this man/lady what’s going on, convincing him/her to grab his/her crotch and realize that he/she does, in fact, have a penis. She then presumes to give Arlene (Carrie Preston) and Terry (Todd Lowe) their baby back and leave Lafayette’s body. Without a minute to spare, Hoyt is over this supernatural miracle and back to mourning Jessica.
He’s put all of her belongings in a box on which he writes “for you, monster,” including Taylor Swift‘s album Speak Now. Jason doesn’t want to get in the middle of it, but he agrees to take Jessica’s stuff back to her for Hoyt, right before he jumps her bones in the back of his pickup truck. Yes, Haunted by Taylor Swift does play, and the brief scene is as exciting as it is heartbreaking.
Hoyt has no father, he left his mother, his girlfriend left him, and now his best friend is sleeping with her. I feel like he’s going to turn into a bad guy. We can only hope that he won’t get killed off at this point, but maybe if he stays, a character change could be good for Jim Parrack, giving him more opportunities to show his talents.
The other big show-shocker was Sookie’s dream, which was hinted at by True Blood creator Alan Ball last month. Sookie has a fantasy in which she asks Eric and Bill both to be “hers,” and they then have a threesome. Not much of it is shown and it really doesn’t have anything to do with the show’s plot, but it was clearly well-worth the time wasted. When she wakes up, she’s confronted by Debbie who’s now supporting her out of her obsessive love for Alcide.
Lastly, there’s still a bromance a’brewin between Alcide and Marcus (Daniel Buran), who wants Alcide to help him probably murder Sam (Sam Trammell), who’s his separated wife’s new boyfriend. Thankfully for Sam, baby bro Tommy (Marshall Allman) uses his I-murdered-my-family-and-can-now-tranform-into-humans power to take Sam’s place for the beatdown.
The episode ends with Marnie/Antonia and hypnotized Eric crashing the tolerance festival and with Sookie busting in and yelling at Bill to run. While the ending was dramatic, I’m pretty sure most fans were either still thinking about Jason and Jessica or Sookie and her vampire boyfriends.
How will Bill and Nan escape the tolerance festival? Is Debbie gonna go all Misery on Alcide? Is there a reason that Sam Trammell is still the third billed in the credits? Check in next week to find out!