Lesson number one: if you work as a guard at a women’s prison, bring a condom to work, because if you develop a relationship with an inmate with whom you decide to become intimate, you’re going to want to bag up to avoid a world of hurt. This is apparently something Mendez has learned before (which says everything about him) and something John will hopefully have learned from his mistake (which says everything about him). The implications this has on a few character’s arcs in the course of the season are profound. I mean, I guess the alternative would be to not bang any of the inmates over whom you’re supposed to be on guard, but let’s be realistic here.
Other lessons Orange is the New Black teaches us: don’t insult the food in any cafeteria you’re eating at because the cook could be sitting right next to you and refuse to feed you for an extended period following; the most absurdly devout religious practitioners are also very easily manipulated for comedic ends; some guys are apparently really bothered by their girlfriends having lesbian affairs (who knew?); being alone for too long will make anyone go crazy—anyone; and lastly, prison can look fun in isolated occasions, but it’s a real bitch, so probably best to avoid at all costs.
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