It’s spooky season! Halloween is right around the corner, and you know what that means – costumes! Bring in the clowns, and the princesses and the inevitable Johnny Depps and Nathan Fielders.
One of the largest, if not the largest, costume store chains is Spirit. They offer quick overnight shipping and hundreds of costumes to choose from. A lot of them are really terrible. Let’s go over the worst.
The Cheetah Costume
Ah, the “sexy” costume. For some reason these never go out of fashion. First of all, a “sexy” costume from a costume store is never sexy. It’s a one-piece made out of terrible material that’s meant as one size fits all. One size fits all clothes are never flattering on anyone.
It’s going to be blocky and loose fitting and not to mention the fact that it’s incredibly unoriginal. There will be countless people walking around in some form of the “sexy” cat-like creature. Or sexy anything, really. Boring!
The Chucky Costume
What in the living doll is going on with that mask? Did a blind child draw it? The likeness isn’t even close. Is it Chucky or is it just the laziest representation of the character ever? Also the proportions are all wrong. Since when is Chucky tall and lanky. And why doesn’t it come with a knife?
Honestly, it is scary, just not in the way that’s intended. A closeup of the face reveals an unsettling stare but mostly because it looks hilariously cheap. And at $80, it’s not.
The adult romper costume
A one piece? It’s never a good idea to go with a one piece, but especially on Halloween. Mostly for the reason that you have to take it off completely to pee. But maybe that’s the point. Also this doesn’t look like a wolf it looks like a poorly-made squirrel. It looks like someone’s mother made it for a school play.
You’re an adult! Don’t dress like a weird squirrel. And you have to do your own makeup? Get outta here.
The Adult Magic Voodoo Costume
This one is too easy. Basically what we have here is a caricature of a stereotype of what we think about when we think Voodoo. It’s problematic on a few levels. It’s pretty insensitive to people who actually practice Voodoo as a legitimate religion. It also plays up a trope about certain people being seen as “magical.”
There’s also some pretty heavy colonist vibes, as the costume is impersonating an indigenous person. Making it a costume is demeaning to a lot of people. Think about it this way: How much would people be offended if there was a costume called “Magical Christian?”
People would say “My religion isn’t a costume.” This is the same thing. Also, what’s the deal with the skulls? This is just a bad idea. I would stay away from this one at all costs.
The kids’ plague doctor costume
Just spitballing here, but maybe reminding everyone of a plague after we just got out of a pandemic is not the best idea. How is this a child’s costume? Plague doctors were physicians who treated bubonic plague victims during epidemics. Their long noses are cases to hold good-smelling herbs and drown out the smell of the dead.
They didn’t even exist to help people. They mostly went around to record death tolls. Just feels like a bad look right now. Maybe wait a year when people really forget about the harrowing pandemic years.
The Red Titan costume
What in the name of nightmare fuel is this? In some ways, this is the ultimate costume for kids because it’s TERRIFYING. This is the type of thing that will scar a child for life. Does the “R” stand for Really Scary? ‘Cause that’s what it is. This is the opposite of that Chucky costume.
Never has a costume tried so hard to not be scary and fail on every account. Can you imagine a world where this exists? Oh, we live in a hellscape, that’s right. Don’t subject anyone to this, life is hard enough on its own.
The adult shark costume
Fad costumes are fine and part of the fun of Halloween, but a fad from 2015? Do you want to look outdated and hilariously out of touch? Go with the shark! Do you want everyone to think you’re lame? Go with the shark. Wearing this costume is like saying you hate rap music because they mumble too much.
Wearing this costume is like paying off your student loans on time. Lame. It’s also an incredibly ugly costume. What do you even wear under it? What’s the point?
Is a little imagination too much to ask? Happy Halloweening everybody!