For the uninitiated, Randi Zuckerberg is the 40-year-old sister of Facebook co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg and has run a number of tech startups and lifestyle brands over the years. Currently, Zuckerberg is a big Web 3.0 advocate who manages a number of blockchain technology projects, which is what we have to thank for what is arguably the worst thing on the internet this week.
“A decade ago, I sang this song on Broadway,” Zuckerberg tweeted on Monday, along with a video spoof of the 1984 Twisted Sister hit single, “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” with the lyrics altered to “We’re All Gonna Make It” in reference to a woman-led crypto movement.
“Today I sing this song, surrounded by new friends, as a rallying cry for the women of web3. Together, we can accomplish anything. And have fun doing it!” she added, along with a postscript to look for some “fun cameos” and apologize for the language at the end.
Oddly enough, Zuckerberg did sing the song on Broadway — or, at least, a version of it that wasn’t interfered with beyond belief — during a 2014 stint in the musical Rock of Ages. It turns out that Zuckerberg does have a handful of Broadway credits under her belt, though we absolutely cannot fathom why the career path didn’t take.
Oh, and the language Zuckerberg warns of is when she shouts “Let’s fucking go!” near the end of the video, just in case her repeated chants of “LFG” throughout weren’t sufficient enough.
We’re not going to admonish the tech mogul’s sister for using foul language that’s nowhere near as bad as some of the words that were undoubtedly going through all of our heads as we watched the video, nor are we going to attempt to break down the lyrics to make some sense of them.*
(*But also, really? Turning a song about bored, angry white teen boys into a feminist anthem when Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and like, every Madonna song ever was just there? Fine, knock yourself out.)
At any rate, though it took a few days to catch on, by Friday Zuckerberg’s video had begun to make its way around the internet as people reacted in unmitigated horror and revulsion.
“I’m in a bunker, and this just made my day worse,” tweeted one user with a Ukrainian flag next to their handle, though it’s unclear if they’re actually in a bunker in Ukraine.
“This is the next covid variant,” quipped another.
“Everything is a pyramid scheme. There is no longer a meaningful way to connect to other people,” observed comedian Jake Flores. “We’re All Gonna Make It.”
“End me now,” deadpanned music critic Anthony Fantano.
Podcaster Josiah Hughes offered a sarcastic message of support.
“Once again, I am available to talk rich people out of doing things like this. My rates are reasonable and there is a sliding scale,” joked TV writer @Caissie.
One developer even weighed in with his professional opinion, tweeting that the real reason ordinary folks stay away from crypto culture is the “unmitigated cringe.”
“This is Emil’s family. We had to take his phone away after he watched this,” joked crypto podcaster Emil DeRosa. “Will post updates as they come. If you see him, please don’t tell him this is Mark Zuckerberg’s sister. We fear it may make things worse.”
Before unleashing her music video onto an unsuspecting world, Zuckerberg took the time to reintroduce herself on Twitter, calling herself a “passionate supporter of women in tech and finance.”
We have to assume that having a brother who is one of the 10 wealthiest people in the world probably takes some of the edge off the gamble in investing in NFTs, much like giving yourself a roofie can take the edge off of having watched this video. God bless!