13. Smiley
Director: Michael J. Gallagher
What do you get when a bunch of young YouTube sensations transition their ideas to the big screen and try to make a horror movie based on a new Internet urban legend, basically like the “Bloody Mary” of Chatroulette? Well, you get a horror film that shows no understanding of what makes a horror movie scary, annoying characters much better suited for short YouTube videos, and writing that only keeps the LOL-ing cyber generation of today in mind.
Smiley has an interesting concept and at least dares to try something new, but also contains aggravating acting, infuriatingly cheap jump scares, and an ending all too clichéd to take anyone by surprise. Director Michael Gallagher could benefit mightily from studying classic horror films if he wants to stay around the genre, because with a better understanding, his filmmaking could be a decent way to draw newer and younger fans into the horror genre – given his craftsmanship is significantly improved upon.
12. The Tall Man
Director: Pascal Laugier
I know some people loved The Tall Man, and I understand their point of view, but I can’t say I share the same opinion. Coming from the man who directed the relentless French horror film Martyrs, I saw The Tall Man as a tremendous step backwards in storytelling and creativity, and was let down in a big way by predictable pacing and an overall lack of gripping cinema lost somewhere in between an overarching message I believe could have been handled much better.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining because Pascal didn’t amp the gore up this time around. I hate to pigeonhole directors, tying them to one film and complaining every time the same standards aren’t met, so I didn’t care that The Tall Man became more of a psychological and suspenseful thriller. I cared more that I cracked Laugier’s story far too early on and was forced to sit though one of Jessica Beil’s weaker performances for far too long, missing the emotional reaction Pascal set out to draw from audiences.
Director: Bradley Parker
I’m actually rather bummed out Chernobyl Diaries was such a dud because I like the concept of “found footage” horror films and this Oren Peli produced vessel brought us somewhere iconic instead of just some woods or an abandoned building. I thought decent fun could have been had navigating Ukrainian horrors on such devastated lands, but alas, in the Ukraine, there’s nothing to fear but stupid characters and terrible acting – and roaming bears?
Instead of bringing ingenuity and life into the “found footage” genre, Bradley Parker was only able to muster another example of what makes the sub-genre so easily exploited by directors who just chop together the same tired and unoriginal formula. Shaky camera work, jump scares, forced plot points to give the camera man a perfect shot – it’s all here. Add downright hateable characters and significantly flawed logic so bad every character should have been forced to wear a “Dunce” hat for the film’s entirety, and you’ve got the next big film which makes “found footage” horror one step closer to extinction.