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Why Deadpool Is THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER!!!! Definitely Not Written By Deadpool.

4) Ryan Reynolds :0

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Listen – there’s only one DP. BUT, Tim Miller didn’t exactly feel comfortable with me on set, plus they wouldn’t meet all my contractual obligations (ONE FREAKIN’ DATE WITH DAME HELEN MIRREN), so if anyone was going to be me, it was gonna be Ry-Ry.

Deadpool can get behind a Sexiest Man Alive winner for OBVIOUS REASONS, and it’s about time Reynolds got redemption for Wolverine. And Blade: Trinity. AND GREEN LANTERN?! Holy balls, Reynolds – I hope you washed the shit off after starring in those bombs. We don’t need my suit smelling like dookie for the sequel!

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Give the Canuck some credit, because he plays a hero well! And by “hero,” of course I mean a wise-ass, witty, super-assassin who’d slay Last Comic Standing if the whole mercenary thing gets old. He’s everything X-Men Origins: Wolverine wouldn’t allow (DAMN THE MAN), an experience so bad that I committed suicide 107 times – once for every minute of that offensive, slanderous, and downright BULLSHIT excuse for a comic book movie. Deadpool <3 Ryan Reynolds, and after his fat Marvel paychecks start rolling in again, I’m sure Ryan Reynolds <3 Deadpool too!

YOU’RE WELCOME, POOKYKINS!