Winter’s Tale
They said the book that Winter’s Tale is based on was unfilmable, and if the result is any indication, they were correct. Akiva Goldsman had nearly paid back karma for writing the hat trick of Batman Forever, Batman & Robin and Lost in Space when he decided to make his directorial debut with the story of a poor Irish thief who falls in love with a sick English waif and the demons that try to keep them apart. Watching the film you get the vague sense it’s supposed to be romantic, and the book may very well be, but on the big screen, Winter’s Tale is a big mess.
Not helping things is that this is basically two different stories with the same immortal character who gets amnesia for 100 years basically because the plot demands it. In the past, Peter Lake is a gentleman thief who thinks his love for consumption-plagued Beverly Penn will save her, but in the present he’s a guardian angel that may be the key to saving a cancer-plagued little girl. Oh, and Russell Crowe with a bad Irish accent is a demon gangster hell bent on stopping him even if it means frequent conferences in the Lucifer’s court room under the Brooklyn Bridge. Did we mention that Lucifer is played by Will Smith dressed as a pirate?
How about a magic horse? It’s immortal too and it has invisible wings! Yeah, if you’re not sold on miracles, immortality, or the idea that an infant can survive sailing from a sea ship to the Long Island shore in a little model boat, then you will have checked out of this movie well before the end of its two-hour running time. Magical realism can be fun, but there’s a very fine line between creating a world where one’s belief can be suspended, and where it rubs your face in the implausibility. Flying horse? Sure, I get that. But Will Smith: Pirate Devil bossing around fake Irish Russell Crowe? That’s a [Brooklyn] bridge too far.