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Whatever Goes To Hell, Stays In Hell: The 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2013

My list is pretty varied this year, containing reboots gone awry, sequels that aren't really sequels, independent films that forget to be creative, mainstream flops, and novel adaptations with the worst of intentions. There wasn't one finger to point, but multiple fingers pointing in all different directions, including at one of the most iconic horror directors to come out of the Giallo era of Italian horror filmmaking. Don't define 2013 by these duds, as there are PLENTY of horror movies I'm going to be praising unconditionally, but just do yourself a favor and don't become another victim claimed by these grueling headaches.

2) The Last Exorcism Part II

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Oh, I’m sorry, did you really believe The Last Exorcism would be the LAST exorcism? Well, you’ll wish it was after watching The Last Exorcism Part II, one of the worst horror sequels I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Ashley Bell does her best as the possessed Nell, who contorted her body like a Russian gymnast to some pretty decent acclaim in Daniel Stamm’s original, but all the back-breaking moves couldn’t save incoming director Ed Gass-Donnelly from derailing this Eli Roth produced franchise. Trust me, any other year this film would have easily ran away with “Worst Of The Year” honors, but this was a special year – so it’s only the second worst.

In the first film, we’re faced with cultists, killers, and an evil spirit driving poor Nell criminally insane. This time around, Nell develops a romantic relationship with the satanic demon Abalam, and instead of midnight scares, we get to watch Abalam and Nell interacting in some weird, evil hanky-panky. Seriously. She’s not writing in pain, there’s no horror, just a girl getting freaky with the darkest force of all. I mean, sure, there’s some apocalyptic story going on in the background of this “heartwarming” love-story, but considering the scariest portions of The Last Exorcism Part II are nothing but flashbacks to the mildly entertaining original, to say Ed Gass-Donnelly dropped the ball is a VAST understatement. He drops the ball, it rolls down into the Grand Canyon, flows all the way down a random river, and is never heard from again. Goodbye ball! Goodbye quality!

If you like your possession films without the slightest bit of genre know-how and with a terrible love story involved, then look no further – do I have the sequel for you!