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Please Don’t Scream, You’re So Beautiful: The 14 Best Horror Movies Of 2013

Wow, what a truly inspiring year. Why, you ask? Simple - 2013 was the best year for horror I've seen since starting my love for the genre back in college. Each year has its highs and lows, don't get me wrong, and even though there were some insultingly bad horror movies forced upon us this year (which I already discussed in my 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2013 article), the good mightily outweighed these forgettable blemishes. Count Dracula turning into a Praying Mantis? Last, last exorcisms? Sympathetic Leatherface? Forget all that malarky because 2013 was full of top-notch remakes, energized reboots, worthy sequels, ambitious independent winners, and horror comedies that had us laughing just as much as we were screaming. As a horror fan, this has been a year for the ages - and also a year that gave me a pretty empty wallet.

6) Stitches

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Stitches – a movie that will chill you to your funny-bone. See what I did there? It’s a horror movie about an undead clown hellbent on revenge, so it’s both funny, AND terrifying – hence the funny-bone joke. Wakka wakka! OK, seriously, it really isn’t all that terrifying, but what this slasher comedy lacks in scares, it makes up in brilliant, showstopping, year-topping kill sequences. Conor McMahon has created a new slasher mainstay in Stitches the murderous clown, played by comedian Ross Noble, giving another perfect example of how to properly mix horror and comedy together without losing that fragile tonal balance.

Do you know what makes this movie so magical? Well, the true magic of movie-making, of course! People forget that for years filmmakers have been using miniature replicas, physical props, and crazy special effects to make some pretty astounding productions (Star Wars?!), which is why I applaud Conor McMahon for sticking with practical effects work. Each kill is so vibrant and memorable because there’s barely any cruddy CGI clogging our screen, amping the fun-factor up to ridiculous levels. How he was able to pull off the “death by balloon pump” scene is still beyond me – and I f$ckign love it.

Look at this, we have not one, but TWO Irish entries on this year’s horror hits list. First Grabbers, now Stitches. Maybe we should be keeping an eye on this rich, intoxicating land.