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Please Don’t Scream, You’re So Beautiful: The 14 Best Horror Movies Of 2013

Wow, what a truly inspiring year. Why, you ask? Simple - 2013 was the best year for horror I've seen since starting my love for the genre back in college. Each year has its highs and lows, don't get me wrong, and even though there were some insultingly bad horror movies forced upon us this year (which I already discussed in my 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2013 article), the good mightily outweighed these forgettable blemishes. Count Dracula turning into a Praying Mantis? Last, last exorcisms? Sympathetic Leatherface? Forget all that malarky because 2013 was full of top-notch remakes, energized reboots, worthy sequels, ambitious independent winners, and horror comedies that had us laughing just as much as we were screaming. As a horror fan, this has been a year for the ages - and also a year that gave me a pretty empty wallet.

3) Evil Dead

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Evil Dead

There’s just so much win surrounding Fede Alvarez’s Evil Dead remake. This movie is so good it not only succeeded in creating a proper remake/reboot that injects brand new life into Sam Raimi’s iconic cult hit, but it also reinstated my faith in Hollywood remakes after so many piss-poor attempts left me sad, confused, and downright mad. This is the line I’ve been using over and over again, but Fede Alvarez made the Evil Dead movie Sam Raimi would have made years ago given the technology and budget. I truly believe that. Alvarez’s Deadites are scarier, his death scenes are brutally unrelenting in the gore category, the dilapidated cabin is somehow invitingly vibrant, and he brings the scares big time because SAM RAIMI’S ORIGINAL EVIL DEAD WASN’T MEANT TO BE SCARY (If I hear one more person complain about this remake not being funny…).

Hats off to lead actress Jane Levy, who plays our doomed Mia, because her embracing of the darkness creates one of the most memorable “villains” of the year. Once she’s possessed by the Necronomicon-bound demon, she transforms into this sick, wicked Deadite who balances a terrifying aura with true, vile perversion. Of course, this is just the demon talking, but when she yells up to her brother and says, “Why don’t you come down here pretty boy so I can suck your cock!” – that’s when we understand the true gravity of her situation. That’s also a line that perfectly balances the tonal bliss created, allowing us to chuckle a little, but also be horrified at this sister’s exclamation. Somebody give this girl an award, because her Deadite transformation deserves a Best Leading Actress Horror Oscar – if those existed.

In terms of the film, Fede Alvarez makes me a very happy man by taking practical effects to a whole new level. We watch as characters chop off limbs, cut themselves, break bones, vomit on one another – the special effects in Alvarez’s Evil Dead are the best I’ve seen in years. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and Fede always seems to find that magical path towards absolute horror nirvana – aka gratuitously raunchy, disgusting gore. It takes a special man to challenge the amount of fake blood used to color Lake Victoria in Piranha 3D, but Fede gladly accepted the task, and is a better director for it.

I loved, loved, loved Evil Dead. No getting around it. I never thought a remake could be this good, especially for such a classic film, but everyone who trusted Fede Alvarez saw their faith repaid tenfold by a movie that’s part homage, part standalone – but completely amazing.