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5 Humble Suggestions For Next Year’s Academy Awards Ceremony

We should probably just admit that by their nature, the Academy Awards are an inherently unsatisfying entity, and it’s likely that no ceremony will ever make anyone happy, let alone everyone. That’s the nature of these types of self-congratulatory jerkfests that feature upper crust blowhards who moralistically decry world problems like poverty and hunger all while wearing literally millions of dollars worth of diamonds on their person. There’s a certain quality that dictates they essentially fail before they even have a chance to be enjoyable.

[h2]2) Just have Adele sing all the Best Original Song picks[/h2]

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Remember that year Beyonce seemed to sing every single song that was nominated for an Oscar at the awards ceremony? At the time that seemed weird. Now, it seems like it was an awesome idea. I don’t know if Bey had the credibility she enjoys now, but you know who does? Who’s universally beloved and an international treasure that seems to sing the hell out of every song that comes out of her mouth? Whose performance many considered to be the highlight of last weekend’s ceremony? Give me a minute, the name will come to me.

I suppose it’s possible that Adele could become involved in some scandalous story that could result in her falling from the public’s good graces, but given the fact that she has a bit of a reputation for being a tad sanctimonious and frequently demonstrating a sailor’s vocabulary, it’s hard to imagine anything that would make her a real villain. She could be the devil herself but as long as she has the voice of an angel we’ll ignore all that and give her a standing ovation at next year’s Academy Awards and every awards show before and after.

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