Remy: Amber Heard (The Stepfather)
Pretty sure God raw-dogged it with the Sun, and Amber Heard was born from that celestial coupling. She is, literally, so attractive, I can’t see anything around her when she walks on screen. I also go deaf. So I can’t hear anything. I can only see her, that CANNOT be a good sign, right? My nose starts bleeding and I have spasms, seriously. She is that pretty. Her dimples are made from the virginity of unicorns, that is how sacred she is.
So the Stepfather remake may have been AMAZING, but truth is, I liked the one with John Locke more. I think, I don’t know. I couldn’t really hear or see much of the sequel because I was blinded by Amber Heard in a f*cking bikini. I mean, blinded by her role as Alpha, assuming the strength and becoming the heroine of the movie against all odds, like, feminism style, yo.