Remy – Leatherface Vs. Ash
Who wouldn’t want to see the two best chainsaws in horror go head to head? Perhaps we could find out Leatherface is a Deadite or something awesome and absurd like that, and it would be up to Ash to take him down, assuming no one else could. For any of you REAL fans of the Texas Chainsaw series (not you new schoolers), in Texas Chainsaw 2, remember that silly-yet-awesome chainsaw duel between Leatherface and Dennis Hopper? The Ash/Leatherface battle would take the batshit insanity of that scene and ratchet it up about fifteen notches.
If the director who was ever lucky enough to do this scene had any balls at all, this scene would be matched up with some sick metal music, just wailing away in the background as Ash chopped Leatherface into five pieces, sealing all five pieces in different bags, and then tossing them off bridges and shit as he rode on horseback at night, post battle.
Wow, I gave MYSELF chills. Chillsturbation.
Nato – Chucky Vs. Leprechaun
OK, before you’re all up in arms over this ridiculous pairing – HOW CAN THIS NOT BE AWESOME?! I know this article is about “Heavyweight Horror Throwdowns,” but don’t let these pint-sized killers fool you. Both Chucky and Leprechaun started out as ruthless death machines, one hell-bent on possessing the body of a boy, the other searching for gold – but both left a wake of destruction in their path.
But then things took a turn for the silly in both franchises. Chucky got married, had a kid, and turned into this jokester of a murderous child’s toy, abandoning the horror of his situation (unless Curse Of Chucky returns to that dark atmosphere that many are promising it does). Meanwhile, our Leprechaun turned into quite the universal wanderer, traveling to space, then to the hood, and then back to the hood…again. Suffice it to say, it’s time for these two unlikely killers to get back to their horror roots, and what better way than to do it together?
But if these two baddies ever got together, I’d actually hope some of the comedy remained. The one-line zinger potential would be outrageous pairing these two, and I often joke how this would be the grandaddy of all horror villain face-offs, but there’s some serious potential here. The set up could be simple too! Maybe Chucky and Tiffany steal the Leprechaun’s gold without knowing, then have two unfortunate victims steal the gold from Chucky, causing them to not only be stalked by a killer doll who thinks the gold will help him in some way (I don’t know, we can flesh out the details later), but also the malicious Leprechaun who the gold belonged to in the first place.
Chucky: “Wanna play, little green man?”
Leprechaun: “Oh, I’ll play with ya’ alright Chuckster, right after ya’ go back ta’ yer little dolly house and fetch me precious gold from your pretty, pink piggy bank!”