Remy – Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Okay, much like Birdemic, people can argue that this film WANTED to be bad, but at times it is really hard to tell if it’s being serious or being a send up, and that is why I love it. I mean, it is bad, real bad, like, some of the worst acting and “scares” you have ever seen – but then there seem to be scenes of genuine cruelty and creepiness. Yet, ten minutes later, the bed takes some Pepto Bismal to wash down all the people it has eaten. It’s that sort of mindf*ckery that makes this film such a joy for me. Does it know it sucks and is embracing that? Was it trying to be creepy with some laughs thrown in? I have seen the movie ten times and still can’t tell you. I can tell you this, though – it is incredibly hard to look away from. There is just something inherently watchable about a bed that eats people. Well, not eats in so much as slow dissolves painlessly into a yellow foam. Which, again, messes with your head, because that is actually accurate. When you melt someone down in acid or other such caustic chemicals, there really is only a layer of yellow foam left. That is the fat in their body, congealing. I know this because I have three blue barrels in my basement, all about 150 gallons each. If you opened those barrels, you would see a rusty colored liquid, with an inch of yellow foam floating on top of each one.
I mean, Death Bed is funny-tastic!
*Goes down to basement.
Nato – Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
Alright, could this really be a guilty pleasures list without a Troma produced film directed by Lloyd Kaufman? Originally I was going to throw the Chidos brothers’ Killer Klowns From Outer Space on here, but I feel like that’s the go-to guilty pleasure pick for a ton of horror fans. Then I was going to go with a Toxic Avenger film, because he rules, but right before writing I noticed Netflix finally threw a film on Watch Instantly I’d been waiting to watch for a while – Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. Why? HA! We’ll, for starters, it’s Troma, so you know there will be nothing tame about it. Secondly, let me explain the premise – a fried chicken chain is built on an ancient Indian burial ground, the chicken becomes infected, and the town turns into feathered chicken zombies. To those sane readers, I understand I just lost you, but to those still with me, believe me when I say Poultrygeist is a clucking good time.
Sure, admittedly the film takes a little while to really ramp up brutal Troma-style visual gore and debauchery, as the beginning is full of awkward nudity, extremely silly backstory material, and raunchy musical numbers about sex. Yes, I just said musical numbers, one of which includes Lloyd Kaufman himself. Why? Fun fact, Kaufman always wanted to work on Broadway, but as you can see, that little plan never actually hatched, so here he injects some of his musical love into a gore-filled zombie knock off which pushes the boundaries of all we deem sacred and untouchable. There’s no sense to it while offensively stereotyping races, centers around possessed fried chicken, exploits nudity and crudeness for cheap laughs and shock value scenes, becomes downright vile and repulsive, features a long stretch of nothing but blood-splattering, limb-ripping, people eating chicken zombie violence on an epic level – and that’s why we love it. This is a pure F-Movie that somehow rises above the rest to solid B-Movie glory. For the record, I didn’t officially warm up to Kaufman’s chicken-zombie extravaganza until the first death scene, but just know I fell in love from that moment on. Patience is a virtue, especially when bleeding broom-penises are involved. Annnnnd boom. You’re hooked. Or terrified. Or aroused?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where we countdown the Top 10 Horror Movies of 2011!