Nato – Anaconda
If you don’t stop to watch Anaconda every time it’s on TBS, TNT, or whatever random cable station will show it next, then shame on you. Shame, shame, shame on you for not loving a movie that pits Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, Owen Wilson, and other random celebrities (at the time) against a giant, man-eating snake. Thank God J-Lo was in the mix as well, because if we’re to believe what the famed lyricist Sir Mix-A-Lot so eloquently wrote, “Anacondas don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun!” I’ve been singing that correctly all these years, right?
Alright, even I can admit Anaconda isn’t exactly the perfect movie, but I mean, what movie is?! Even The Godfather has flaws!
Seriously, OK, Anaconda is a bottom-of-the-barrel guilty pleasure, but you’ve got to love a movie that credits the guy who supplies the amazing vocal range to bring our Anaconda to life. No, really, go on IMDB and you’ll see Frank Welker’s name proudly displayed on the casting next to “Anaconda.” Kudos dude. Sweet “Hissss,” bro.
Whatever, it’s a movie about a big, rubbery Anaconda slithering around and eating people whole – just ask Owen Wilson. How doesn’t that rule? I mean, don’t answer that. Just let me have this one. OK?
Remy – Deep Blue Sea
I know, I know, I should have Jaws on here (but Nato took care of that, anyway). THAT is the original and ONLY creepy shark film. But you need to understand, there is that ONE moment in Deep Blue Sea, where the shark jumps about twelve feet out of the water, FORWARD, catches the wonderful Sam Jackson in its jaws, and pulls him back under. But where many thought that was the death of Sam Jackson’s character, I wasn’t. Did you notice how gently that shark took him? I cannot help but feel he was bringing Sam Jackson underwater to live with him, fully knowing Sam Jackson is the baddest motherf@cker on Earth and totally has earned the right to roll with a shark gang.
Either that, or once the shark had him under the water, Sam fought it for days, like Gandalf and the Balrog at the beginning of The Two Towers.
Yup, sorta like that.
Honorable Mention: Bait, Pacific Rim
I have to give these two a shout out for different reasons. First of all, Bait is about a supermarket that gets caught in a natural disaster, floods, sharks get inside, and people have to survive – and I kind of had a blast with it. Not the best shark flick you can see, but certainly one of the most creative!
Secondly, you can’t talk about creativity without mentioning Pacific Rim, full of such grandiose wonder and extremely entertaining filmmaking. Guillermo Del Toro is so good at making the unimaginable come to life, and the sheer size of this film was enough to marvel at alone. C’mon, if you couldn’t enjoy the Kaiju-bashing action provided, I’m not sure what exactly you want out of your summer blockbusters.
Alright, so which films did Remy and I miss that sent you running for dry land?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I talk about horror characters that should have died three times over yet still kept pressing on!