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Movies To Watch When You’re Sick Of Valentine’s Day

It's not so much that I hate romance, or love, or relationships. It's that Valentine's Day after awhile gets so sweet, so saccharine, that you begin to feel like you've eaten too many conversation hearts. If you're single, it's the time when all your singleness comes home to you, what with the big boxes of heart-shaped candy and endless romantic movies on every single TV station. If you're in a relationship, it's a time of great hassle, when you have to make certain to buy cards, buy flowers (or expect flowers), make reservations, find out that you waited too long to make reservations, or argue about what movie you're going to watch on TV. It's just a hassle and there tons of expectations for all of us.

[h2]Anti-Romances[/h2]

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These are films that are all about love going horribly, horribly wrong. While they might depress you a little bit on Valentine’s Day, they can remind the singles among us that at least you don’t have to deal with that kind of madness. And for those in happy relationships? Hey, you’re not these people, are you?

Blue Valentine

If what you’re looking for on your Anti-Valentine’s Day Day is a movie that will make you never want to have a relationship ever again, look no further than Blue Valentine.  Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams try to make it work, but … my God, they do not. Valentine’s Day might not be the time to watch movies about depressing relationships, but if you really want to feel OK about being single – and never, ever wanting to have a relationship ever again – check this one out.

Blue Velvet

David Lynch is a sick, sick bastard. Kyle Maclachlan is obsessed with troubled human being and night-club singer Isabella Rossellini.  Laura Dern is the most boring girl on the planet. Beneath the staid suburban exterior of small town life lurks all kinds of sexual depravity, and Mr. Maclachlan observes it all from his post, in a closet. But you really want the creep factor? Enter Dennis Hopper, the mad sadist high on nitrogen. Will things work out for Maclachlan and Rossellini? Or Dern? Kinda, but they’re so damaged by the end that it doesn’t really matter.

Cul-de-sac

Donald Pleasance marries a much younger woman, their isolated home is then invaded by a sadistic criminal, the tide cuts them off from the rest of civilization and … things get really weird, really fast. This is a film by Roman Polanski, after all, which mean that it’s just not going to work out terribly well for our heroes.  Claustrophobia sets in, the tension rises, and the husband and wife begin coming apart at the seams under all the stress. Does your wife make you dress up in her clothing and then mock you? No? See, it’s a happy time.

 See also:

Dead Ringers

Leaving Las Vegas

Repulsion

Eraserhead

And if you really never want to want to have sex again: David Cronenberg’s Crash.

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