10. “He said he wanted to shit in my hand and make me use it as a brown lipstick!” – Tina (Alice Lowe) Sightseers (Dir. Ben Wheatley) (Screenwriter: Alice Lowe/Steve Oram)
Just one of many fantastically crude quotes to pepper this darkly comic road movie, Tina’s jealous attempts to have her husband murder an intruder emerge in the form of this creative fib.
11. “Oh, we like goblinses, batses, and fishes, but we hasn’t tried Hobbitses before.” – Gollum (Andy Serkis) – The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Dir. Peter Jackson) (Screenwriter: Peter Jackson/Fran Walsh/Philippa Boyens/Guillermo del Toro)
Gollum steals the movie with his relatively short appearance in Peter Jackson’s latest, and here’s a quote that offers everything we love about the character – his way of speaking, his passive/aggressive nature – in one line of “precious” dialogue.
12. “You know how to get rid of crabs? You got to shave one testicle, then all the crabs go over to the other testicle. You got to light the hair on fire on that one, and when they all go scurrying out, you take an icepick and you fucking stab every single last one of them.” – Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) – The Master (Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson) (Screenwriter: Paul Thomas Anderson)
Joaquin Phoenix gives a brilliantly delirious and tic-addled performance as drifter Freddie Quell; his recommendations for getting rid of crabs are appropriately humorous and insane at once.