It’s hard to believe that it’s already been a year since Marvel announced that they’d be making a Thunderbolts movie. It’s even harder to believe that they’ve committed to the bit with the Kaufman-esque intensity necessary to actually make a Thunderbolts movie.
As teams of superjerks go, the Thunderbolts would’ve been tough to get excited about even if they’d stuck with their all-winners, comic-accurate original roster of household names like Ogre, Screaming Mimi, and Hawkeye. It’s even more of a stretch to think that fans will show up for a movie about Ghost, U.S. Agent, and a different Hawkeye. Taskmaster is a tough one to make interesting in the MCU, thanks to that whole total backstory conversion that she got in Black Widow, and Winter Soldier has pretty well outstayed his welcome after starring in a whole TV series where he didn’t do, gosh, almost anything. Florence Pugh and David Harbour remain two of modern cinema’s most desperately watchable performers, but as 2019’s Hellboy and Don’t Worry, Darling proved, even they have their limits.
In spite of Marvel Studios’ clear excitement at the prospect of introducing its own Suicide Squad – which makes sense when you consider how that franchise is the envy of, statistically, somebody – fans haven’t exactly been shutting down the Disney servers, refreshing the Thunderbolts site in case they missed big news. “Loveable scofflaws get up to no good” was a fun enough premise for Guardians of the Galaxy, but as a setup for the MCU’s next big threat, it’s a drag, especially when you consider that most of the crew has the incredible power of either owning a gun or owning the thing we used to shoot stuff before we invented guns. It’s just hard to imagine calling the Hulk in for these guys, you know? If you’re not going to go home, why not go big?
Marvel fans want MoE
And if you want a big supervillain team-up – one that’s a perfect fit for the Avengers – you could do a lot worse than the Masters of Evil, the supergroup introduced in Avengers #6 back in 1964. Their original lineup was all-thriller, no-filler, if you didn’t include Melter and Black Knight. There was Baron Zemo at the head of the team, presumably maintaining the loyalty of his crew through the magic of his dance, though it’s hard to tell when he’s a drawing and not the guy from Inglourious Basterds. Enchantress was part of the team – sure, she’s problematic, but get her in the right writer’s hands and she’s Loki from the good old days when he was still yanking eyeballs out of chumps and invading Manhattan. The Executioner was there. Remember how much fun he was in Thor: Ragnarok? You like fun, don’t you?
Fine, not cinematic enough? There’s the second incarnation of the Masters of Evil, with Ultron in the lead role. He’s overdue for a comeback, and James Spader is probably overdue for his mortgage payments, what with The Blacklist ending after 72 seasons. Sounds like a win-win to me. Black Knight and Melter were back, but the other guys could send them to get coffee or something and then switch bases before they got back. Remember Andy Serkis’s character, Klaue? He was there, but it was the comic book version of him that had been converted into pure sound. What’s more visually exciting than pure sound?
There have been over a dozen different incarnations of the Masters of Evil in the comics, the same way that there have been a bajillion iterations of the Avengers. They’re a catch-all excuse to get the mustache-twirlingest bad guys in the same room, cackling at the same time, historically while threatening the wellbeing of a female superhero through the use of a giant robot/trap/robot trap. Think of the possibilities, even if the MCU put together a team of villains pulled solely from the antagonists we’ve met so far. Justin Hammer, Mordo, Zemo, and Vulture could team up with Agatha Harkness, maybe the only character across 30-some movies and an endless array of streaming shows with the archness to start a team called “The Masters of Evil.” Other guys could join, too, if Marvel would stop killing them so often.
The point is, in a post-Thanos world, the MCU needs a new Death Star. Nobody wants a quippy Death Star that shares a compelling interpersonal dynamic with its coworkers, they want a Death Star that explodes and makes everyone glad it’s gone. Go big. Go bold. Go Masters of Evil. Most importantly, go see if Sam Rockwell will pay me a percentage for pitching this idea in the first place.