Will wonders never cease?! After months of speculation, rumor, and endless non-announcements via Sylvester Stallone’s Twitter feed, we finally have the full, unimpeachably true cast list of The Expendables 3, not to mention an actual plot synopsis!
First, the cast list, because really the plot does not matter when it comes to an Expendables film. Here’s the full rundown on our heroes and villains:
- Sylvester Stallone
- Jason Statham
- Jet Li
- Dolph Lundgren
- Randy Couture
- Terry Crews
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Wesley Snipes
- Antonio Banderas
- Mel Gibson
- Harrison Ford
- Kellan Lutz
- Ronda Rousey
- Victor Ortiz
- Glen Powell
You got all of that? No Bruce Willis, which makes me very sad; also no Milla Jovovich, at least not in this list. Steven Seagal and Nicolas Cage were long-rumored, but are apparently persona non grata now. Basically what we have here is the original Expendables team back together again, with a few new friends jumping in for fun.
Now for the plot, if it means anything to you. Stallone is back as Barney, coming face to face with Conrad Stonebanks (played by our beloved Mel Gibson), who was once a co-founder of the Expendables. But Conrad went bad and became an arms dealer, resulting in his near-death at the hands of his old friend. Now he’s back, and it’s become his mission to destroy the Expendables once and for all. Enter a new team of younger and tech-savvy mercenaries to help Barney and his team of aging badasses combat Conrad.
Let’s face it: the plot does not really matter. What matters is we’ve got a whole new set of explosions to look forward to, featuring some of the most iconic action heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow. While I am saddened that there’s aren’t a few truly badass ladies present – the gender being entirely represented by MMA star Ronda Rousey – the cast still looks excellent and the plot like a nice set up for some good action.
The Expendables 3 comes to theatres August 15, 2014. Awesome or awesomest? You decide.