2. Man of Steel (REMAKE)
While my fellow writer Jonathan Lack loved Man of Steel almost unconditionally, I had the opposite reaction: I loathed director Zack Snyder and screenwriter David S. Goyer’s take on Superman more than any other film this year. To me, everything about Man of Steel reeked of sloppiness. From the obnoxiously booming Hans Zimmer score to the pathetic screenplay to the eye-gougingly CGI-heavy action sequences, nothing worked for me.
As a lifelong comic-book fan, I adore Superman. His integrity, heroism and status as a symbol of American military power allow him to rise above all other heroes in terms of cultural significance. When Man of Steel flew into theaters, I was thrilled at the possibility that the character might get a faithful, big-budgeted, genuinely cool film adaptation that would signal a bright new future for Superman at the movies. What a damnable shame that the movie turned into such a trainwreck. I still can’t figure out how so much went so wrong.
Superman always stood for protecting America’s best interests. The fallacy of Goyer’s script is that he tries to universalize the character, having him completely destroy Metropolis (an eternal symbol of American glory) to serve the best interests of the planet as a whole. Perhaps Goyer’s Superman is what America deserves after decades of meddling abroad. After all, the character is almost like the next type of military drone in Man of Steel; he soars around, destroying buildings, killing innocents (whether he means to or not) and then flat-out murdering. It’s tricky not to see the similarities. There’s nothing patriotic about him, and while that may be part of Goyer’s half-stated point, it’s just not Superman.
The script itself is completely atrocious, cramming in far too much exposition without ever giving Superman the most basic of things, like a personality or some basic wit. Even the Hulk had better lines in The Avengers. None of the battles, large though they are, have a human cost, and so, to my horror, I found myself yawning even as skyscrapers collapsed on top of fleeing Americans.
The original Superman films and the comics were about the actual Man of Steel. Man of Steel is about Snyder and Goyer playing with action figures in a very expensive sandbox. Superman has charisma. Superman has integrity. Superman is a patriot. And perhaps most importantly: Superman. Does. Not. Kill.
Man of Steel is the worst remake on this list because it gets everything wrong about its source material, from the stakes to the tone to the character himself. It makes my heart ache just thinking about all the squandered promise.