Stray Dogs: The Thing
I really like dogs. I’m definitely a dog person, without a doubt. There are few better companions than man’s best friend. They’re absolutely thrilled every time you come home and they’re the most appreciative diners, no matter how dry their food is. That being said, I will not consider taking in a stray dog ever again thanks to seeing The Thing.
Granted, I realize there’s probably a very slim chance that the dog I find is going to be an alien, but still, it is a possibility, and not one I’m willing to risk. I can’t think of much worse than napping on the couch, with your loyal pup on the floor beside you, when suddenly it wakes up and decides to eat you. That would certainly detract from the rewarding aspects of pet ownership.
Even shelters worry me. I’m definitely for dogs getting adopted, and I never want to see one put down, but every time I see a dog in a shelter that looks like it could survive in Antarctica, I suddenly realize that these puppies can play with each other and I really don’t need to walk around and pet them. Now there are lonely dogs all over the city thanks to John Carpenter.
Strippers: From Dusk Till Dawn
Strip clubs tend to be sketchy places as it is. You have to be a very frequent regular to feel comfortable around the crowd that a titty bar usually draws, but you have to be even more comfortable to still go to strip clubs after watching From Dusk Till Dawn.
Yes, the chances are slim that the hottest stripper in the club is going to end up turning into a vampire, but how in the world are you supposed to enjoy the show with that thought in the back of your mind? And I’m not talking attractive Twilight vampire here, I’m talking disfigured, blood-thirsty, insanely muscular vampires. One minute a girl is going to be sexily dancing with a snake, the next minute she’s going to smell blood and come lunging at my throat with his fangs bared. If that sounds like a fun night to you, we obviously hang out in different circles.
Okay, I would have felt uncomfortable enough in that trucker strip club even if there weren’t vampires involved. That’s the reason I became a writer and not a truck driver in Mexico, but if I ever was in that situation, I doubt I would have George Clooney to protect me. If Clooney and I are ever out on the town, then it’s a risk I’m willing to take, but for now, I’m not looking to have my blood drained just to see a naked lady.
Then again, if the vampire/stripper looks like Salma Hayek, it may be worth the risk.
Thanks for reading Part II of our inevitably ongoing series! Think we’re still missing some big ones? Let us know in the comments!
Please note that this article was a collaboration between Alexander Lowe and Matt Donato.