4) Bridesmaids
At the very whisper of Jon Hamm’s name – or that of his alter-ego Don Draper – a fluttering not dissimilar to an entire battalion of butterflies flapping their wings can be heard. That’s the unmistakable sound of millions of pairs of panties shimmying to the floor, probably of their own volition. The slick actor oozes the type of sex appeal honed by years of smokin’, drinkin’ and just being so damn cool all the time.
But, just ‘cause he’s sexy doesn’t mean he’s got a clue.
Hence, the hysterical opening scene to Bridesmaids which fades in on an affluent house and the grunts and commentary that could only emanate from… well, it’s not entirely clear until the scene cuts inside.
Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Ted (Hamm)’s banter is functional. It’s instructional. Much like assembling a Meccano set. He asks for her to cup his balls and her chirpy “Yes, alright, I can do that” is the response you normally receive after asking your partner to watch Terminator 2 with you for the hundredth time. Not the ecstatic affirmations associated with making the beast with two backs. But then again, neither are his facial expressions. Cross-eyed goofy delirium kills the mood for Annie as he laughs maniacally, increasing the speed of their union to that of a jackhammer. This makes for an amusing edit to a shot of Annie, taming the wild beast like she’s commandeering a bucking bronco at the local roadhouse.
If there’s ever been an example of unconvincing sexual chemistry in film it’s this pair, whose between-the-sheets antics have more in common with Punch and Judy than a sizzling sexual duo. However there is a lesson to be learned: the sight of a woman jiggling above you might be delicious to savour, but no bra is gonna rectify that pectoral punishment.
– Gem Seddon