It’s practically the perfect situation. You can get really drunk, not have to pay for it, and not get arrested by any authorities. This is exactly what happened to some very lucky volunteers in Missouri, and they chronicled the whole thing in one very hilarious TikTok.
Everything started when the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office offered free booze to the public to participate in a hands-on field sobriety training program called a “wet lab.”
The sheriff’s office put a message on Facebook that said:
“The Sheriff’s Office is looking for alcohol drinkers Tuesday-Thursday this week, and we are buying! Seriously, we buy, you drink, and we provide your transportation home (not jail). The catch? After you drink, officers will be testing you on standardized field sobriety tests. Upon completion of your field sobriety tests, you will then submit a breath sample to determine your level of intoxication. Location: 400 First Street in Hillsboro. Time: Noon-4:00 P.M.”
Here’s how it works: You meet up with other fine upstanding public servants in a room where you drink and socialize for “1-2 hours.” Then the cops come in and you have to do “a series of field sobriety tests.”
To further incentivize the public, the sheriff’s office assured the public that “While we will not be providing Pappy Van Winkle, we promise not to serve you cheap wine or rail liquor. We appreciate our volunteers more than that.”
This is a pretty fun story on its own, but what really makes this thing sing is the video. A user named sydalexandra posted a video where two people are in the backseat of a car.
“Hey guys, come with me to get [messed] up at the police station on the state’s dime.” Suck it, government!
We watch them walking up to the police station, and then in a conference looking room taking shots with other volunteers. Next they’re drinking doubles and playing drinking games. I miss college.
Then, more shots! The only place with more shots in that building is the shooting range. Of course, you have to shotgun a beer on the veranda of the sheriff’s office building.
The young woman in the video hits a .146 on the breathalyzer. Impressive! In Missouri, you’re legally intoxicated at .08. The other guy hits an almost as impressive .138.
The sheriff’s office also gave them pizza. Is this the most chill sheriff’s office in the country? Sure seems like it.
The last thing we see is our intrepid public servants hammered out of their minds in the backseat on the way home.
“Every single cop would have arrested me,” she said. “Me too,” the man said. Do all sheriff’s offices need drinkers? Because what a beautiful thing.